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Life can get tough for any number of reasons, whether your own internal resistances, challenges, sabotages come up, or daunting external events arise. Either way, it’s no fun for a while—you’re stuck or life falls apart in some unexpected way and you’re left wondering “what happened?!” and “what’s next?!” You thought you knew what you were doing or where you were headed and suddenly you hit a wall. It’s as if frustration, bewilderment, and a sense of powerlessness have tapped YOU to be their best friend.
What can you do when tough times show up? Well, sometimes you do just have to sit down right where you are for some time while your head is spinning about it all. Life didn’t turn out to be what you thought you wanted or expected. Everything turns upside down and you don’t know which way is “up” anymore. All you can do is take a lot of deep breaths and roll with it until this big dark wave passes over and you can surface again. There’s no choice you can make except to surrender and hold on the best you can.
But short of having this sort of total dark-night-of-the-soul breakdown, what about when things get tough and your life won’t let you stop in your tracks because you have to make a living? Or you aren’t anywhere near complete wipe-out and you want to help yourself keep going in the right direction despite feeling bewildered, because life somehow missed the curve in the road and derailed somewhat?
Sometimes life and its challenges are hard and you want to keep moving in the right direction anyway, even if you feel like you’re crawling up a hill on your hands and knees telling yourself over and over “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…” like the train in the children’s story The Little Engine Who Could.
I’ve found two things that keep me going through the most difficult of times and when I use them consciously I always get through, no matter how tough the times are:
1. Knowing my Life Purpose and Life Lesson and Life School from my fingerprints makes a huge difference. You could’ve guessed I’d say that, so I’m not going to say too much about it except that it’s an amazing mighty staff of support to be able to understand what’s happening, from a larger perspective. To know who I am in such a deeply anchored way that a storm can shake me, but not shatter me entirely. To have the eagle’s eye view to guide me as I go through my very human emotions and still know “which way is up” even when I feel completely upside down and bewildered. “In purpose I trust” is pretty much my motto these days because no matter what happens in my life I always know that it’s moving me in the direction of my purpose, even when, in the moment, it sure doesn’t feel like it.
2. Taking risks that are also fun is what I really want to talk about here…and here is where that trapeze comes in. Last Fall I had to make a very tough decision during a very difficult time in my personal life. And that decision was made in a haze of confusion and bewilderment due to the surreal circumstances pushing it. I made the decision, got through the chaos that had to be gotten through to make the change, then was left feeling bereft and awash even as I managed to keep functioning in my every day life. After all, it’s been a booming time of business and I have many commitments to keep to many people, not to mention I’m the only one who pays for my living.
What did I do to help myself out? I decided to take a risk, doing something that is literally risky as well as fun, that is related to my Life Purpose, but on the surface is unrelated to everything else I do everyday in my life. I hopped into a trapeze class which is very physically demanding. Over and over again I’ve found that getting involved with doing something that requires sustained physical effort and risk, but has a component of fun, pleasure, and enjoyment, helps me out immensely.
Now, just why would taking a risk and having fun help anyone through a tough time? Well the fun part is obvious…at least I think it is. Tough times are heavy and having fun lightens things up a bit. But taking a risk of some sort? What’s risk got to do with getting through a tough time? Well, I find that doing something that is risky and challenging in one area of my life, helps me out with things that are difficult in my everyday life and in my business life, which always involve taking risks.
First off, doing something that takes risk usually involves getting very focused, very in-the-moment. When I’m on the trapeze it demands so much of me physically and mentally that I can’t be anywhere else but present in the moment. Total focus is required to get my body to do what it’s supposed to do and to push beyond what I thought I could do. Total focus is required to breathe into the fear of balancing up on my toes on a little bar a full nine feet off the ground. While I’m on the trapeze I get a break from all the bewilderment of my tough times and I’m reminded that things will not always be this tough, they’ll pass. I also get to practice doing something that requires total commitment to keep moving forward and the fun and joy of accomplishing something I never thought was possible for me. And at 43 years old, being able to hang upside down from a trapeze helps me understand that I am always capable of much more than what I tend to believe.
What’s been especially instructive for me is to repeatedly find that I then carry the fruits of taking appropriate risks with my body out into the rest of my life. I find I can focus better, take risks in my business because they don’t seem all that scary after all, stay committed to anything else I do that requires more effort than I thought I could make (and also, not balk at making that effort). I also keep being reminded that when you pair taking a risk and making an effort with a reward that it becomes easy to associate risk-taking and doing the work it takes with the pleasure and enjoyment that are the fruits of my labors. And further to this, that the work and effort and risk itself eventually become a large part of the thrill itself.
Now, I’m not saying you have to go take physical risks like I do. The physical component of it matches my Life School, which is the School of Peace (for those of you who know what that means). Risk taking comes in all shapes and sizes. For instance, another risk I’ve taken that seems very small but has had a large impact for me during this time has been switching to a very bright color of nail polish! Of all people, I’m the very last one who would have ever thought something as seemingly frivolous and superficial as nail polish could make any kind of difference in my life, but it has. How could that be risky? Well, given that I’ve spent much of my life trying to be invisible, making myself visible is a big deal and I keep growing on this score. It’s what bright nail polish represents that’s the big deal risk for me because it ties into the challenges of my Purpose (Success in Spotlight), Lesson (Powerless Communications), and School (Peace=Fear of Annihilation). All this equals fear of annihilation if I show up and communicate myself to others. Who would’ve thought that wearing an eye-catching color could poke so many buttons? But it did until I adjusted to it. It’s literally been a visual bright spot that I see constantly all day long. Ten little scraps of shining hopefulness and cheer. And, to my utter surprise, every day when I go out someone else has been enlivened by it and admires it and smiles and there I am making a connection with a complete stranger and not feeling so lonely during my tough time!
So, as you face your tough times, whether they are the inner challenges of working your lesson and stepping up to your purpose, or external events of your life show up as sharp rocks or big gaping holes in the road of your life, what can you do to take a risk somewhere in your life and have fun with it so that the experience readjusts your sense of what’s possible for you? What small or medium or large risk can you take that flies in the face of your tough time…like it’s a form of you thumbing your nose at it while you keep telling yourself “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!” What risk can you take that can challenge you a bit and help you uncover a little bit more of what’s possible for you and looks like a little piece of one of your wildest dreams?
I’m at the car rental center, with tons of luggage, in Houston, Texas after an early morning flight and not much sleep. I’m down to $30 in my bank account so I’ve really been looking forward to this trip. I’ve got lots of hands lined up to read and a nice place to stay thanks to the gracious hospitality of an earlier hand analysis graduate (thanks again Linda Robbins!). Finally it’s my turn at the counter and I hand the clerk my ID and credit card. She puts the credit card in the machine and says, “I’m sorry, but you don’t have enough available credit for us to rent you a car. Do you have another card?” And I don’t.
Years later, it’s hard to write this story. It was so scary and painful to have backed myself up against the wall that I still don’t like to think about it. I cleaned the cat boxes and vacuumed and did laundry and ordered a couple of holiday presents before forcing myself to sit here and write this today. When I’ve told this tale to students who have cornered themselves and are paralyzed, every one of them has asked me to write it down, so here goes (after several weeks of what I call “productive procrastination”… things are pretty tidy around here right now!).
For a while I thought there must be some way out of the corner. Could the rental company take a check? Cash? No. I called my husband in a panic and cried on the phone with vexation. Could they take a credit card from him? No. They needed an actual credit card to run on the spot (fraud has made everything so difficult for the rest of us).
Next I called my credit card company, explained my situation, and asked them very nicely if they could raise my credit limit. They informed me that it would take several hours to do so. I returned to the car rental counter to tell them this and they chose that moment to tell me that they could not run my card again for 24 hours (another fraud protection).
So, I’m nailed. Really completely totally stuck and I’m in a public place working really hard not to freak out and melt down in a heap. I’ve got an entire pre-paid group of 16 people to read, one hour outside of central Houston, in less than five hours and no way to get there.
Moments like this are the ones that define us. We’ve been avoiding doing something we really need to be doing, because it scares us, and our avoidance creates a scenario that’s unimaginably worse. It’s the old “what you resist persists” thing, and it’s overwhelming and terrifying, and it really pisses you off if someone points this out to you while you’re in the middle of it. Who needs it when you already so acutely know that you did not dodge the bullet? That there were no magical exceptions made for you regarding the slow build-up of cause and effect?
It’s hard to see what could possibly be “good” about being cornered, but in the larger scheme of things, it’s exactly where we each have to go, over and over again, so we will finally make the decisions we need to make in order for our lives to move onward and upward. Once we decide we can take the next step towards life looking like the one we actually want to be waking up to everyday.
At these points on life’s journey several things are challenging:
We’ve been keeping something in our blind spot and just can’t do it anymore, the naked truth is right in front of us, ”the proof is in the pudding.” We can’t deny that we have responsibility for the consequences we’re experiencing as a result of our (in)actions.
We’re often mad at ourselves, which is great fuel for change, but spend our energy berating ourselves instead of making the change (a form of exceptionally devious further procrastination).
We’re scared right out of our shoes.
We’re at a point where we take a step out of the corner or cower there and grow weaker. We face our fear or shrivel. There’s no way out and a choice must be made and consequences lived with.
After pacing the shiny sterile floors of the car rental center, something occurs to me and I sit down and dial the phone again. A new student had expressed interest in attending a hand reading evening and, to my relief, she answers her phone. I ask if she’d like to go to the one I’ve got that evening and could she drive us both there? Not only does she say yes, she is excited about the opportunity to be a part of it (thank you again Jennifer Langston McGee!).
So, I took a shuttle to my lodging and Jenn picked me up and we went together to the event. All my other appointments were private consults and the clients came to me. Phew!
Courtesty www.MattDuffin.com
But that’s not the end of the story, despite my wishes. If it was then I would just get myself into the same trouble again.
The real question was, “how did you end-up with only $30 to your name four years into your business, Ronelle?!” Well, um, er, ahhh…
The answer was simple, as was the solution, but doing it wasn’t easy for me. In short, despite working hard, I wasn’t doing what really needed to be done to get consistent results in my business, much less doing what it took, in practical terms, to move up to the next level of my business.
At the end of the trip, I did not conveniently “forget” how it had started or write my near debacle off to “bad luck.” On the plane ride home I decided/determined/resolved/swore that I would never get into that position again ($30 in the bank, credit card maxed, no rental car possible). And this required that I decide/determine/resolve/swear to myself that I would go home and make five phone calls per night to potential clients and prospective students until my business—and life—looked like what I wanted it to be.
I did, and within three months I was having the best year of business I’d had so far. And I’d like to say that this was the only time I’ve cornered myself one way or another, but of course that would be a blatant lie. This instance is just one of the more dramatic examples of it.
So, what can you do when your back is up against the wall?
Go ahead and fall apart a little bit so you’re not spending your energy budget holding it in.
Then pull yourself together by taking a deep breath and feeling your feet on the ground.
Admit to yourself what it is you need to do that you’ve been avoiding.
DECIDE to take action. (I love the word “decide” because it means “to slay other options.”)
Take action. Make a change. See it all as a grand experiment! The unknown is always more exciting than the familiar, but stagnant, place you’ve been living.
And, yes, things can get worse before they get better. When you clean out your closet the room is a disaster for a while, no? It all depends on how long you’ve been standing in that corner frozen, while life piles up around you.
The end of the year is a fine time to stop and take stock of where you are in your life. Are you backed into any corners? Are you tired of hearing yourself talk to everyone about something that isn’t working in your life (I had one of these and just decided to change it and did today…it’s taken two years)? Do you keep telling yourself that you’re going to change something in your life, but haven’t made a move? Do you keep getting in your own way? Putting things that are important to you off?
Take a look, make a list, then pick one and make a change. Once you start you’ll wonder why you thought about it for so much longer than it took to do it…even though you’ll know exactly what got in your way.
Nadia Tumas is a vivacious firecracker of a woman who called me up about a year ago looking for hand analysis training. After reading Richard Unger’s book, LifePrints, she was chomping at the bit to learn to read the fingerprints and the rest of the hands using Richard’s system. From Russia, Nadia has been reading hands intuitively since she was 17 years old and has been through some very large life “adventures” including moving to the U.S. on her own with two children despite not knowing more than a half dozen words of English. Once here (and the story of why she left Russia is an amazing one, just too long to tell here, suffice it to say that she got out of an extremely sacrificial marriage and split) Nadia learned English and trained to be a nurse. She found a new man, her children grew up, and she did well in her chosen career by moving up the ladder into leadership positions in the medical world. It’s about a year since my phone rang and I’m honored to have Nadia in the certification training course. She is doing simply stunning things. Catapulting right out of the gate she has already read 225 people, both in group settings and in private consultations, and exclaims with exuberance and awe, “When I’m doing hands, I’m absolutely in the flow…the words spill from my mouth and I wonder, ‘Where is it coming from?’ Learning this system is allowing me to read and understand and help people at a level I never thought possible!” Her goal is to read 600 sets of hands by January and people are lined up to see her and pay her for consults. She started charging when those she read began insisting on paying her (and not in small amounts). When people ask Nadia about life purpose hand analysis she tells them, “Your life will never be the same once you find out the meaning of your life from your fingerprints. It will never be the same. It’s changed my life for the better and can change yours too.”
Nadia-October 2008
Nadia-October 2008
If you’d like to see how apparent this statement can be, just take a look at how much Nadia’s hands have changed from the first prints we took of her last October (above) and the ones taken in April (below). I had to make the new ones smaller just to get them to fit here.
Nadia-April 2009
Nadia-April 2009
Notice the change in posture of the hand (thumb has opened up) and the increased width of the hand and clarity in the lines. Overall, Nadia has gained a strong sense of confidence in who she is and what she can do, as well as a strong sense of direction…and it literally shows in her hands. Last week, she called me up with her latest thrilling news; a doctor she knows was sending his patients to her for Reiki healing (Nadia is also a Reiki Master). She read their hands as well and the astounded patients reported back to the doctor with such enthusiasm that he called her up and asked, “What are you doing with them?!?!” After having his own hands analyzed he is now sending patients to her for hand analysis and (as of today) has proposed that she work out of his office. This is especially compelling for Nadia given her medical background and constant curiosity about the tight connection between mental and physical health. Her bigger vision over time? To take LifePrints hand analysis training around the globe, particularly to those working in the medical world. With her Leading Community Mentor in the Spotlight Life Purpose and can-do attitude I’m sure she will! If you’d like your life to get started with changing for the better, check out the upcoming distance-based IIHA Life Purpose Hand Analysis Intensive. No travel necessary. Just your phone and computer needed. Take charge of reading your own personal Instruction Manual for Life so you can start stepping into the LIFE you’d LOVE to wake up and LIVE!
It’s been a hectic and wonderful time since my book came out. A thrill ride with some anxious growth moments, a touch of overwhelm, and a constant sense of awe-inspiring transcendence and excitement! Much like a flight I took in a small plane recently. Here are a couple of exceptionally fun and informative author interviews with two very thoughtful and lively hosts.
Sandra Lee SchubertWild Woman Network – Conversations with Creative Vagabonds, Thinkers and Innovators The creative process, hand analysis, and a Life Purpose analysis of the host’s hands.
Peggie ArvidsonAwaken Your Soul Radio Driven by Fate or Driving Your Own Destiny?
Also, getting on NBC’s Today Show, writing a book and what it really takes to get published.
Most of us would rather be complimented than criticized, but I fell in love with rejection recently, thanks to a particular critic with the anonymous handle “DJ712″, and think you should consider it too!
Life can get tough for any number of reasons, whether your own internal resistances, challenges, sabotages come up, or daunting external events arise. Either way, it’s no fun for a while—you’re stuck or life falls apart in some unexpected way and you’re left wondering “what happened?!” and “what’s next?!” You thought you knew what you were doing or where you were headed and suddenly you hit a wall. It’s as if frustration, bewilderment, and a sense of powerlessness have tapped YOU to be their best friend.
First off, doing something that takes risk usually involves getting very focused, very in-the-moment. When I’m on the trapeze it demands so much of me physically and mentally that I can’t be anywhere else but present in the moment. Total focus is required to get my body to do what it’s supposed to do and to push beyond what I thought I could do. Total focus is required to breathe into the fear of balancing up on my toes on a little bar a full nine feet off the ground. While I’m on the trapeze I get a break from all the bewilderment of my tough times and I’m reminded that things will not always be this tough, they’ll pass. I also get to practice doing something that requires total commitment to keep moving forward and the fun and joy of accomplishing something I never thought was possible for me. And at 43 years old, being able to hang upside down from a trapeze helps me understand that I am always capable of much more than what I tend to believe.
I’m at the car rental center, with tons of luggage, in Houston, Texas after an early morning flight and not much sleep. I’m down to $30 in my bank account so I’ve really been looking forward to this trip. I’ve got lots of hands lined up to read and a nice place to stay thanks to the gracious hospitality of an earlier hand analysis graduate (thanks again Linda Robbins!). Finally it’s my turn at the counter and I hand the clerk my ID and credit card. She puts the credit card in the machine and says, “I’m sorry, but you don’t have enough available credit for us to rent you a car. Do you have another card?” And I don’t.
It’s been a hectic and wonderful time since my book came out. A thrill ride with some anxious growth moments, a touch of overwhelm, and a constant sense of awe-inspiring transcendence and excitement! Much like a flight I took in a small plane recently. 
